absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
