Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
