The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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