dude i'm inner monologue high
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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