my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
