if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
