What did we do last night that was yellow?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
