she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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