so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
