Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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