now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
