Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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