You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
