I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
