i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
