There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
