where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
