I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
