you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
