Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
