I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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