I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Can you bring me the toilet please
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
