all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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