Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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