my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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