Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
