I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
