you have to choose: penises or morals?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
