tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
only if we run a train.
done.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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