Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
