i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
