You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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