watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Oh god it's open bar.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
