So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
