I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
