my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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