I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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