So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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