Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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