Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
