It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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