If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
