I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
