At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize