dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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