She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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