I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
