I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
