My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
