I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
