We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
