Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
