If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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