i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
