I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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