I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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