her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
handjob tips. give me some.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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