Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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