if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
