didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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