She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
