Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
