you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
