I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
