i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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