She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
