I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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