STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
