Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
