Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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