I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
