I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
