no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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