Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
