You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
