she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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