Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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