I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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