Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
