barbara walters just said penis...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
