now i know why i became what i already was.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
