Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
there was a trapeze. enough said
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
