We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
