this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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