Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I touched a dick in church today
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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