p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
