there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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