what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
