You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
