I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
